From the other side of the fence

BiBaby has invited me as a guest author on her blog. I’m her boyfriend, Dickie. Before I leap into my first blog I’ll describe myself quickly to help you grasp the context of what is to come…

I used to be the jealous type a few years ago until I learned that it gets you no where and in the end it hurts you more than the person you’re trying to keep close. Since learning that lesson, I’ve drastically reduced being jealous; although due to past heartbreaks I would label myself as “protective”. I suppose it’s out of fear of being hurt, but I like being involved and knowing what’s going on. Surely being an Army Officer and being taught that we must always be aware of our surroundings has forced me to notice small details, nuances, and desiring to be “in the know”. Although sometimes this can be problematic, I try as much as possible not to overstep the line and respect other’s privacy, as I would expect them to reciprocate.

bibaby and I have a great relationship, it’s very open! I’ve never been so comfortable to let my heart out, discuss what’s on my mind and things I’d like to try with her, whether in the bedroom or not! I like to think it’s the same with her, but I still notice that sometimes there are things which only surface long after they first started to bother her. Alas, I can only help so much, and I do believe I’ve helped her in the past 15+ months.

One thing we’re slowly becoming more open with would be our fantasies. One of hers, as she mentioned in a previous blog, is a gang bang. In the past, something of the sort (even an innocent admission of fantasy) would have driven me wild with questions and fears. But not now. Why is that? Am I more open? Have I learned to detach myself slightly? I suppose it’s a bit of both. Since learning of her fantasy I’ve watched some gang bang porn, another thing I would never have done on the past as I found them unappealing and actually disturbing. But now it slightly intrigues me. It intrigues me to the point where I’ve had dreams of it, thought of it when I’ve been very aroused etc etc. Is this normal? Does it mean that somewhere in my subconscious I want to try one some day? I know bibaby has never been with another guy in a sexual manner, other than for some foreplay, and I suppose I’m scared one day she’ll awake to a thirst of sexual exploration and she’ll want to drink from different taps. I understand it, and somewhat expect it. But I rather be there with her when it happens. But that conundrum brings me to my fears and questions of loyalty, faithfulness etc. I know, and have no doubt, that she is loyal and faithful, more so than I thought girls could be! Never the less I’m scared.

It’s hypocritical of me. We’ve discussed threesomes and group sex and she wants to see me with another girl. In some ways I want to see her with another guy but I know that if it were to happen it would certainly crush me and create tonnes of doubts.

Sigh. Where was I going with this?!