Now that I really am getting back to myself (been off the pill for 2.5 weeks now), I’m sincerely pissed at the pill. The first change was that I no longer cried while watching extreme home makeover. This doesn’t seem that monumental, but I really hadn’t cried while watching any movie before going on the pill (except for the original dawn of the dead, and the exorcist, but those were tears of laughter). This didn’t piss me off, the whole idea of how much I’ve really cried in the last year got to me. I can kind of feel my ice-bitch coming back, and I actually feel intelligent again versus struggling with basic ideas.
The second change was my taste in music. I was secretly listening to mass amounts of Taylor Swift and Shania Twain, which I’m still embarrassed about, but we’ll call it a symptom. In the last week and a half, I’ve gone completely back to punk/ska/alternative etc. I’ve had my Mp3 glued to my hip, and it honestly feels like I’m hearing music for the first time again. I’m also losing the immense sense of pity I had for myself when I was on the pill. Everything was a problem. Poor me, the dish broke. Poor me, Rich is mad. Poor me, I had a fucked up childhood. Poor me. Not anymore! 
.
I’ve had the urge to get really wasted lately too. I wanna go to some bar somewhere with my old leather jacket, do a line of shots and not remember the night. I guess I should say that my alcoholic tendencies are coming back….some may say it’s a plus. I’m not an alcoholic, I just binge impressively. I get the feeling that I’ll be less inhibited now that I’m not so emotional, as fear is an emotion as well, and I felt a lot of fear over the last year. The one thing I didn’t count on was Rich still being able to get emotions out of me really easily, but he’s done that from day one (hence why we ended up in our relationship, methinks 
).
I also found out that I’m the sole applicant for valedictorian, which makes me disappointed. I was really hoping to have to fight someone for it, but oh well. It’s better to be king of the idiot pile than to not be, and I’ll do it without opposition gladly.
Rich comes home in 9 days, and I have SO MUCH cleaning to do! Bathroom, kitchen, laundry, etc. I’ll have a really crazy week next week too: Three tests in Med Terminology (one of which being my final), Six assignments due, and god knows how many hours at work. At least I have textbooks now Just in time for finals…..I really do rock. Tell me how I’m managing to pass med terms without the book? Even better, tell me how I’m in the running for valedictorian when I’ve been behind in textbooks the whole year? Sigh.
At least I got bigger boobs out of it.
bibaby
bibabysdickie
